5 stages of grief & addiction
WWOW! Weekly Words Of Wisdom!
Monday 11th September 2023
As an addict in recovery I have a lot to communicate when it comes to addiction. I plan to write many posts on addiction & mental health. But for now I will consider the 5 stages of grief & its relevance to recovery from addiction.
Addiction can manifest in various forms, and people can become addicted to a wide range of substances, behaviours, or activities. Here is a list of some common things that people can become addicted to:
substances:
a. alcohol
b. tobacco/nicotine
c. prescription medications (e.g., opioids, benzodiazepines)
d. illicit drugs (e.g., cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine)
e. caffeine
f. marijuana
g. hallucinogens (e.g., LSD, psilocybin)
h. inhalants (e.g., aerosol sprays, solvents)
behavioural addictions:
a. gambling
b. internet and social media
c. video games
d. shopping
e. eating (e.g., binge eating or compulsive overeating)
f. exercise (sometimes referred to as ‘exercise addiction’ or ‘compulsive exercise’)
g. work (workaholism)
h. sex and pornography
self-harm (non-suicidal self-injury)
psychological addictions:
a. love and relationships (sometimes referred to as ‘love addiction’ or ‘codependency’)
b. attention and validation-seeking
c. fantasy and escapism (e.g., daydreaming, excessive fantasising)
d. hoarding and collecting (e.g., hoarding disorder)
process addictions:
a. food addiction
b. shopping addiction
c. exercise addiction
d. sex addiction
e. work addiction
f. internet and social media addiction
risky behaviours:
a. risky sexual behaviour
b. extreme sports and adrenaline-seeking activities
technology and screen addictions:
a. smartphone addiction
b. social media addiction
c. online gaming addiction
d. internet addiction
As a species we’re hard-wired to seek out things that give us a dopamine hit, that feel rewarding. Look at children’s relationships to sugar & ‘screen time’. It seems that so many of our issues stem from the fact that we have cavemen brains yet live in modern towns, cities & villages. There is a fault in our operating system that requires a software update to avoid active addictions.
It's important to note that addiction is a complex phenomenon, and not everyone who engages in these behaviours or uses substances will develop an addiction. Addiction typically involves compulsive engagement in a behaviour or substance use despite negative consequences, tolerance (needing more of the substance or behaviour to achieve the desired effect), and withdrawal symptoms when attempting to quit.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
The five stages of grief model was developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and became famous after she published her book On Death and Dying in 1969. Kübler-Ross developed her model to describe people with terminal illness facing their own death. But it was soon adapted as a way of thinking about grief in general.
‘Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity.’
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other. You might hear people say things like ‘Oh I’ve moved on from denial and now I think I’m entering the angry stage’. But this isn’t often the case.
In fact Kübler-Ross, in her writing, makes it clear that the stages are non-linear – people can experience these aspects of grief at different times and they do not happen in one particular order. You might not experience all of the stages, and you might find feelings are quite different with different bereavements.
'The stages of grief are universal, but the way we experience them is personal.’
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Denial
‘Denial can be a protective device. We shouldn't be surprised if we use it on occasion.’
‘Denial is like a shock absorber for the soul.’
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
In the context of addiction, denial often occurs when individuals resist acknowledging the severity of their problem or the need to make a change. They may minimise their addiction, rationalise their behaviour, or believe they have control over it. Denial can serve as a defence mechanism, allowing individuals to avoid the uncomfortable realities and consequences of their addiction. This stage can hinder recovery as it prevents individuals from seeking help and treatment. So the first essential stage in the recovery process from addictions is to recognise that we have become addicted to the behaviour or substance.
Anger
‘Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless.’
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Once individuals begin to accept the need for change and confront the challenges of giving up their addiction, they may experience anger. This anger can be directed towards themselves, others, or even the situation they find themselves in. Feelings of frustration, resentment, and bitterness may arise as individuals grapple with the difficulties of breaking free from their addictive behaviour. It's important for individuals in recovery to find healthy ways to cope with anger, as unmanaged anger can lead to relapse.
Bargaining
‘Bargaining is a necessary stage of the grief process. Without promises and bargains, many of us would never move past the pain.’
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
During this stage, individuals may attempt to negotiate with themselves or higher powers in an effort to find a way to continue their addictive behaviour but with reduced negative consequences. They may make promises or compromises to themselves or seek external solutions to help them maintain some semblance of their addictive behaviour without fully giving it up.
Depression
‘Depression is the most unpleasant phase of grief. But it can also be the most constructive. When grief turns to deep sadness, we enter our souls.’
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
As individuals begin to fully comprehend the reality of giving up their addiction and face the challenges and emotions associated with it, they may experience a sense of sadness, hopelessness, and profound loss. This stage can be marked by a sense of grief over the loss of the addictive substances or behaviours that once provided comfort or escape. This is a critical stage where support and therapy are crucial to help individuals manage their emotions and prevent relapse.
Acceptance
‘Acceptance is not about liking a situation. It's about acknowledging all that we have lost and finding a way to live with that loss.’
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
This final stage represents a level of resolution and acceptance regarding the need to give up the addiction. It does not mean that all struggles and challenges disappear, but rather that individuals embrace the process of recovery and commit to making the necessary changes. Acceptance involves finding new coping mechanisms, seeking support, and developing a willingness to face the difficulties that may arise during the recovery journey.
The relevance of these stages to addiction recovery lies in their potential to help individuals understand and navigate their emotional journey. Recognising and addressing these emotions can be a key component of successful recovery. It's important to remember that recovery is an ongoing process, and individuals may cycle through these stages multiple times as they face different challenges and triggers. Additionally, not everyone will experience every stage, and some individuals may move through them more quickly than others. Tailored treatment and support are essential to address the unique needs and experiences of individuals in addiction recovery.
If you or someone you care about suspects they may have an addiction or if they are concerned about a loved one's behaviour, it's important to seek professional help and support to address the issue effectively. Addiction is a treatable condition, and there are various therapeutic approaches and support systems available to assist individuals in their recovery.
It is worth remembering that whatever you are facing, whether real or imagined:
this too shall pass
